Posts

Issues to Address in Private Mediation

Divorcing couples sometimes wonder what kind of issues they can address in private mediation. The answer is that mediation is appropriate for any issue that you need to resolve to complete your divorce. Most couples start private mediation either before filing divorce papers or soon afterward, and most intend to resolve their entire case through mediation. Those who succeed can write up a marital settlement agreement and wrap up their divorce quickly. Those who come out of mediation with unresolved issues can take those issues to court. Read more

Negotiating Personal Possessions in Divorce Mediation

Most people who choose divorce mediation are more easy-going than those who decide to fight over every single personal possession in divorce court. This is almost always a good thing. Being easy-going tends to make divorce less stressful, cheaper, and faster. It is important, however, not to let yourself become so laissez faire that you end up giving away the store. Read more

How to Benefit from Brainstorming in Divorce Mediation

Today we will revisit the concept of “brainstorming” in divorce mediation and examine the conditions that support productive brainstorming sessions.  To “brainstorm” is to throw every possible solution to a problem at the wall (or at least onto a whiteboard) and see what sticks. This requires adopting a “no idea is a stupid idea” mindset. Even ideas with no chance of success sometimes contain the seed of an idea that will be very successful. Read more

Reviewing the Mediation Process: Negotiation

In our last post, we reviewed the beginning of the mediation process, including ground rules and opening statements. In this post we will talk about the heart of the process: Negotiating. Read more

Readiness for Mediation Part II – Power Imbalances

Last month we talked about choosing mediation in a high conflict situation, and how taking certain steps in advance might improve the chances of a successful outcome. High conflict, however, is not the only reason someone seeking a divorce might question the suitability of an amicable process. There are a few other scenarios that also raise such questions. Many of these have something in common. They all involve some form of power imbalance. Read more

Communicating with your Spouse During Divorce Mediation

divorce communication

If you are considering divorce mediation, you might be taken aback when you hear that during the process you and your soon-to-be-ex will need to speak directly to one another. Tracy, a 32-year-old mother of two, sums up the typical response. “Impossible! The whole reason we’re getting a divorce is that we’re completely unable to communicate with each other.”

But for Tracy, and for you, the truth is, no matter how you plan to proceed with your divorce, you will need to find some way to exchange information and ideas during settlement efforts. Effective communication can make all the difference when it comes to maximizing positive results. If you have children, you will also need to continue interacting with each other after the divorce is over, so the sooner you learn how to do that effectively the better. Read more

Mediating Prenuptial Agreements – Part II

In our last post, we discussed how individual and shared interests often come into conflict in negotiating prenuptial agreements. We saw how an aggressive attorney representing the wealthier of two engaged partners might produce an initial draft prenup with the potential to derail what would otherwise be a happy marriage. In this post we will talk about how the mediation process can provide a better alternative. Read more

Prenuptial Agreements: How Mediation Can Help – Part I

Situations where parties have both opposing interests and shared interests are well-suited to mediation. Divorce settlements generally fall into this category. As we will discuss in this post, prenuptial agreements — often called “prenups”— fall into it even more squarely. This makes mediation a potentially useful process for negotiating such agreements. Read more

Interest-Based Negotiations: Mark and Kathleen Discuss Rehabilitative Alimony

divorce mediation tipsLast month we talked about “win-win” negotiations in divorce mediation. As we discussed, the key to win-win negotiating is accurately identifying the interest, or interests, behind each position or demand. Identifying interests can be tricky though. It requires looking at things from someone else’s perspective. Whenever you reach an impasse in negotiations, it can be helpful to ask yourself if you are making assumptions based on your own ideas. If so, stop and listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Read more

“Win-Win” Negotiations in Divorce Mediation

One of the first things you may hear as a couple interested in divorce mediation is that the process offers “win-win” solutions. Many people find this description confusing. What is a win-win solution? How can we possibly both win when our interests are so divergent? We both want the house, we both want custody of the kids, one of us wants alimony and the other doesn’t want to pay it… Clearly someone has to lose! Read more